Английские анекдоты

В разделе представлены английские шутки и анекдоты на разнообразные темы.

Every day, an ESL teacher was seen coming out of the rest room with a marker, used for writing. In the rest room were expressions and graffiti written on the walls. It was very bad. Finally, the Director of the school called the teacher into the office and told the teacher that it was terrible of him to write those things on the walls. The teacher said that he was not the one writing those things. All that the teacher did was to correct the grammar.

"Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy.

"Why not, son?"

"Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day."

"But why don't you want to go today?"

"Because our English teacher died yesterday!"

A man was driving at 80 km/h one day when he was passed by a 3-legged chicken. He accelerated and passed the chicken. Three minutes later the chicken passed him again as he was driving at 100 km/h. The man tried to catch the chicken but it ran down a side road. The man followed it into a farmyard but couldn't find it anywhere. He saw the farmer and told him the story and the man asked for an explanation. The farmer said that he, his wife and his son all liked chicken legs so he bred 3-legged chickens.

"What do they taste like?" asked the man.

"I don't know", replied the farmer, "we haven't caught one yet."

A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman refuses to serve him saying rudely, "Sorry but we don't serve the likes of you. Get out!"

The piece of string leaves the bar feeling glum, he walks down the road and then he sees two girls who he asks for help. "Please," he says to one of the girls, "would you tie a knot in me?" This she does. "Please," the piece of string says to the other girl, "would you mind taking your comb and fluffing out the ends of my string?" so the girl obliges.

"Thank you" says the string and he turns around, goes back into the bar and immediately orders a drink again.

The barman looks at him quizzically and says "aren't you the piece of string that was in here a moment ago?"

"No" came the answer, "I'm a frayed knot."

Three rich brothers each wanted to do something special for their elderly mother on Mother's Day. The first brother bought her a huge house. The second brother gave her a limousine, with a driver. The third brother remembered that his mother used to love to read the Bible, but couldn't see well anymore, so he got her a specially trained parrot that could recite any verse from the Bible on demand.

Soon, the brothers received thank-you notes from their mother. The first son's note said, "The house you bought me is much too big! I only live in a small part of it, but I have to clean the whole thing!" The second son got a note that said, "I rarely leave the house anymore, so I hardly use the limo you gave me. And when I do use it, the driver is so rude!" The third son's note said, "My darling baby boy, you know just what your mother loves! The chicken was delicious!"

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